DAMNIT JANET!....

I love the way this feels. Happy, and I think it's real this time. Fall back into line. Back into rhythm. I grin because It feels good. :)

i'm a bad dancer.

if fate were to speak it would whisper. it would whisper to you while you were sleeping. pretty whispers. dangerous whispers. lovely whispers. it would whisper the lyrics to the song of your life. the bitter-sweet melody tingling in your ear. when the song was done you would wake up with a gasp to find that it was morning. you would climb out of bed, and live your life. all the while dancing to the song that fate sung to you in your slumber.

i find myself wondering what song fate is whispering to me. and how i should dance to it. somebody should have told fate that i am an awful dancer.

He holds me to warm me up...

I'm still cold, but I can bear it. I am right where I want to be. I close my eyes, and smile. I think about how funny happiness is. How it rushes over you like a wave when you are least expecting it. It sweeps you up in its undertow, and you have no choice but to let it take you away. Grinning all the way to your demise. My thoughts are interrupted by a kiss, and for a moment all I feel is electricty. I giggle, because happiness truly is funny. I close my eyes and breathe in the smell of cigarette smoke...

"Out of the car"

Drama

It's colder outside.

He's so distant now.

I ask my friend if we can talk

It's warmer inside.

"What happened?" I ask, "He says he doesn't feel right when he's with you."....I sigh because now I'm sure theres something wrong with me. Silence. "I don't think anyone will ever feel right when they are with me"..."He says he still likes me though" she said. I close my eyes . I think about how funny sadness is. How it rushes over you like a bitter wind. It sweeps you up its violent cold, and you have no choice but to let it take you away. All the while it whispers defeat in your ears.  My thoughts are interrupted by my tears, and for a moment all I feel is how alone I really am. Then I giggle between my sobs, even though sadness isn't funny at all. I close my eyes and breathe in...

Fantasmic Flanagan

So at this point in my blogging adventure I would like to write about someone who is basically the bomb. This here (to the right of this lovely text) is Miss Julie. Obviously she has a pretty smile and she likes to hold edited in butterflys. This person who I haven't had the privlege of meeting yet is very important to me. She gets what I'm trying to do here. And at this point, as she is probably the only reader I have, she is making sure my whiney rants, my half-ass poetry, and my incredibly odd dreams don't go unheard (unread rather). Now when I attempt to be heard I know someone out there is listening. For that I am eternally grateful.

Thanks :D

Some things i adore...

I like unicorns.

I enjoy colors.

I love the way rain feels.

I relish kisses.

I think hands are beautiful.

Tattoos and piercings are my favourite form of art.

Hugs make me smile,

I love adventures.

The smell of cigarette smoke is amazing...

SEE PEOPLE!

I can make a happy post :)

I just want to be happy...

I want to wake up in the morning with will to be alive. I don't want to have to deal with one crisis after another. I want to be able to smile. I see so many other people enjoying their existence. I want that.

I hate being lonely.

I hate the cloud that hangs over my head.

Stealing the happiness I had finally found,

pillz

TODAY SUCKED.

no poetry. today was awful.

In the woods again...

He arrived in my dream... he looked no different then the last time i saw him. Impeccably dressed, blonde, good looking. But the one thing that was different was his eyes. They were kinder. Maybe thats why I said hello to him. He looked down at his shoes. Then smiled. It was a lovely smile. Suddenly serious he looked up. "Where are you going?" he said. "Away, I guess." I replied. "You're lost aren't you..." he said. "Yeah I think so" I whispered. "Well here's a map",he said. He handed me a blank sheet of paper. "What is this??" I asked, I was angry. "It's our map. Well it will be...I'm gonna help you draw it." then he laughed. "But I'm lost, I can't draw a map if I don't know where I am!" I shouted. "You aren't lost", he said calmly, "I know where you are going."

That's when I woke up.

and the owl says, "Who Are You"...

I have a question but I can't remember what it is. I smile kindly and say, "I don't know for sure. Shall we find out?"

The woods are cold, the ground is covered in fresh snow. Beautiful.

The owl flies over to perch on my shoulder. 

she whispers in my ear, "Of course..."

With the owl on my shoulder I walk forward into the dimly lit woods.

It would be terrifying if it wasn't so stunning, alluring almost. The woods get darker as we walk.

"Why are you here?" said the owl. I think for a minute and then conclude "Well because I'm dreaming, lucid dreaming..."

The owl lets out a laugh the echos through the forest. "Well done!" she hoots. I bend down to touch the snow. It's warm. Suddenly I remember what my question was "Does it get better?" I ask. "I should think so", the owl replied "nothing is bad forever". "Do they find me?" I ask. "Yes" says the owl. "Do I find me?", I whisper. "Wake up." says the owl....

I wake up to find my dad in my room. "Wake up"

What does it mean?

Oh wow.

Oh the silly things I say,

on a regular basis.

only when i get butterflies do i such silly things.

when im trying to impress they come drifting out of my mouth,

my mind is in cahoots with my mouth to make me seem awful.

hopefully he finds it cute instead of weird like i do.

yeah.

i doubt it.

:D

So now I am

Happy,

my life is falling back into place.

rebuilding after this storm.

balance returning after all the chaos.

i'm still not quite found.

but i think i'm taking one step closer to pulling the sheet of the mirror.

and my life isn't the bed of roses that i told mommy-kym it was.

or maybe it is...

maybe i am getting past the pain of the thorns so i can see the beauty i'm resting on.

maybe i'll find myself in optimism.

for now i am worrying about nothing,

and enjoying everything.

Letters.

From Kelso:
You are great.
i love you. please just read this. i need you to know that if i could take back everything i did, i would.
only to make things right.(between us)
i regret it and i only lied about it because i was afraid.
i never meant to hurt you, and i know it did, and i knew it would. it screwed up my life bad enough, i didn't mean for it to effect yours too. that's the only thing i ever lied to you about,and i'm not lying about that either.
just tell me what to do and i'll do it. i'll do anything.
again, i love you.

-kelsey 

From Me:
I have let it go. and after the events of this weekend i have DEFINITELY let it go,
I think to a degree, I held you to a sort of perfection you couldn't achieve. I apologize, I recently realized how hard it is for someone to juggle two relationships without hurting one friend or potentially losing the other. I did something awful that wasn't entirely my fault, but if I could have stood my ground it might not of happened. I hurt someone I wanted to be friends with. They won't forgive me because, why should they? I also realized how you can unintentionally put yourself in bad positions so in the end wether its not totally your fault, I guess in a way it still is. The sad part is, when your in the middle it feels like there is no way out, and then when it's all said and done, you see all the things you could have done so much better.

I won't lie to you, I have been keeping my distance from you. I was afraid to let you back into my life again. Making myself vulnerable to you seemed like a bad idea. I let what you did to me, make me forget why I loved you in the first place. I am so sorry that I let your low moments outweigh the beauty i see in you everyday. I'm sorry I forgot that when I said that we were friends and that I loved you, that meant it was unconditional. I should have never expected you to not fail me. I really think that people really become friends when something happens that could destroy their relationship and they make it. What you did only effected my life because I let it bother me more then I should of.
I know that hurting me wasn't your intention. It's okay though, we all fall short. I'll have to learn to trust you again. But that's okay too.

So Kelso, I'm letting it go because I think you deserve it. I see so much in you, I think you are worth a second, third, fourth, fifth chance. I'm also forgiving you because I would want someone to forgive me. I would want someone to see that I had more to offer 

I love you Kelsssss. I never stopped.

I do not miss 5th grade.

*names have been changed.

Dear Miss Timmerwoman,
I despise you. You are a fat, ugly, useless excuse for a teacher. You should retire. Youmade my 5th grade year awful and meaningless. I missed countless recesses because you did not like me. I would like to poke you in the eye with an inanimate object. You were a stupid teacher and I didn't learn anything in your class. and AND,,,I WAS THE one who kept stealing your pens :D.


Love,
Monica.

PS: And I NEVER had to write with pens in middle school. God you suck.

M.(Josiah<3)E.J.

I walk through the door. My eyes adjust to the dim room. Inside I see the two of them. The smallest one raises his hand out of the bundle of blankets. I run to the cooing little bundle. I hold him and stare into is big gray-green eyes. Tiny tears for the tiny one. I missed the beginning of his story, I hope I never see the end. He puts his small hand to my nose and smiles his toothless smile. My nephew. Josiah. Joy.

Well okay...

So, Sam told me to blog about what makes me angry. That presents a problem because I'm not angry about anything. Maybe that is what's wrong with me. Maybe I lack passion. I should work on that.
Being original is important to me.
:/

i have no clue what to talk about. thats so sad.